I was baptized in the Catholic Church. I grew up and still am a member of the Catholic Church. My faith is strong. I pray. I go to mass on Sunday. I even help kids prepare for first holy communion.
I do have to ask something.
Why did God make me this way? Why does He put me through this pain? I’m born a boy but I have the feeling of a girl inside. The cynical side of me says this is a cruel joke. Is there something bigger that God has for me by being trans? Is this all part of His big plan? He could’ve just made me female in the first place. Why didn’t He?
The more I tried to pray and embrace the boy I was born as the more it’s revealed the woman inside me. Crazy, right? My prayers get answered by female empowerment advertisements or powerful women in pop culture like Wonder Woman. It seems like every time I try to deny who I am I, there’s a sign pointing to who I really am like the pretty dress or the toys in the store.
I have to ask why?
After thinking about it and a bit of prayer. I think I have an answer.
If I was born a girl or God made someone like me without being trans, it wouldn’t be me. He created me, not someone else. Being around pleases him. I am a unique person in this world and nobody can be me.
Perhaps scripture has the answer.
The first takeaway is that He made me in his own image.
God created mankind in his image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Secondly, I am perfect and He makes no mistakes.
1 Timothy 4:4
For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected when received with thanksgiving,
The next is that I am a child of God and he loves me.
1 John 3:1
See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
The final takeaway is that God made me this way to prepare me for the world and make me a better person.
1 [a]As he passed by he saw a man blind from birth. 2 [b]His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him. 4 We have to do the works of the one who sent me while it is day. Night is coming when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” 6 When he had said this, he spat on the ground and made clay with the saliva, and smeared the clay on his eyes,7 and said to him, “Go wash[c] in the Pool of Siloam” (which means Sent). So he went and washed, and came back able to see.
I honestly believe that God has put me through this pain to help me understand other people and their pain and suffering. To know how pain and suffering work affects people is sometimes the best thing to have when helping others. I can have empathy, love, understanding, and compassion because God through his work has shown me all this. When people who are broken come to me I understand and help them with all my heart and soul. Each day passes when I continue to heal myself and I am better equipped to help others heal too. Perhaps, this is my answer. That these trials are there to prepare me to heal the world and make it a better place. And I am glad to take on this challenge.