I never listened.

Growing up a boy I had to adhere to certain standards of masculinity.

I never listened.

Don’t show weakness.

Looking back on my weakest moments has made me a better person.

Don’t show sadness or grief and get on with life.

I stopped and grieved and made sure my baggage got lighter.

Don’t show fear.

I showed fear and did awesome things. I gained courage.

Fight through the pain. Go beyond when your body tells you no.

I went up to my body saying no. I let my body heal. Unlike the other boys who listened I don’t have lifelong aches and pains.

Don’t accept defeat.

I accept defeat, cut my losses and move on.

As a child, I’m expected to take abuse from my elders because it’s not too bad they say.

I stayed away from abuse and walked away. I protested my abuse and insisted on the respect I deserve.

As an adult, I’m supposed to fight back.

I don’t fight battles not worth my time

Compete for everything, don’t cooperate.

Cooperation has led to my greatest moments and accomplishments.

Don’t ask for help.

I ask for help. Without help, I would not have found the paths that lead me to the accomplishments in my life.

Win all the time.

I don’t win all the time. I take solace that I did better than last time. It’s okay to be last in high-level competition, so long as you improve.

Go after all the women. Be a sex machine. Don’t go after a specific woman.

I value sex, yes, but I also value a meaningful and nurturing relationship. I value being intimate and sharing myself even if it is only one person.

Be ready for violence at any time. Punch first, ask questions later.

I resort to violence after diplomacy has failed. Nobody gets hurt and integrity is maintained if diplomacy comes first.

Be independent all the time.

Sometimes being dependent has made me get back on my feet and independent.

Don’t show love, care, and kindness.

I show love, care, and kindness and I receive it back.

Chase high standards at your own expense.

I do chase high standards, but step back when I see myself hurting emotionally, physically or financially. I go and mend my wounds.

Be strong. Look down on the weak. Women are weak. Despise weakness. Be aggressive when frustrated with weakness.

I have shown weakness and have been lifted back up by some of the strongest women in my life.

It’s okay to show emotion. It’s okay to show empathy. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to freely express yourself. It’s okay to show defeat. Just look at me. I’m one amazing human being all because I did all that.




The NFL, Free Speech, and You.

It’s safe to say the entire world of the NFL went nuts with players protesting police violence by taking a knee. It’s also safe to say that the alt-right has used this as an opportunity to turn it into their own political agenda.

It’s safe to say “stick to sports” and I understand as sports is a get away from the real world. The world that does include politics. Fans just want athletes to get on with it and entertain the masses.

The truth is politics is in our sports culture every day.

Jessie Owens used his 4 gold medals to break the myth of German superiority in the face of Hitler.

Babe Didrikson Zaharias was the first break the gender barrier in the PGA and constantly faced misogynistic criticism because it’s not “feminine to play sports” She played on.

Muhammed Ali missed out on boxing for 3 years for being a contentious objector during Vietnam.

“Why should they ask me to put on a uniform and go 10,000 miles from home and drop bombs and bullets on Brown people in Vietnam while so-called Negro people in Louisville are treated like dogs and denied simple human rights? No, I’m not going 10,000 miles from home to help murder and burn another poor nation simply to continue the domination of white slave masters of the darker people the world over. This is the day when such evils must come to an end. I have been warned that to take such a stand would cost me millions of dollars. But I have said it once and I will say it again. The real enemy of my people is here. I will not disgrace my religion, my people or myself by becoming a tool to enslave those who are fighting for their own justice, freedom, and equality. If I thought the war was going to bring freedom and equality to 22 million of my people they wouldn’t have to draft me, I’d join tomorrow. I have nothing to lose by standing up for my beliefs. So I’ll go to jail, so what? We’ve been in jail for 400 years.”

Jackie Robinson who was a veteran did stand but stood silent and did not salute the flag.

As I write this twenty years later, I cannot stand and sing the anthem. I cannot salute the flag; I know I am a black man in a white world. — Jackie Robinson

Carlos Delgado did not stand for “God Bless America” in protest of the Iraq war.
Need I go on?
“But I’m a fan. Politics and sports don’t affect me.” Think again.
Who builds for a new stadium when a new team comes to town? The debate of taxpayer vs privately funded is political.
We the fans also like to politicise the race, gender, and sexual identity the athlete. The very existence of athletes that are not straight, white, cis, or male is politically debated every day.
“You spit in the face of vets when you kneel”
During world war II our veterans fought against the Fascist states of Germany, Japan, and Italy. In these states, political opposition was silenced. No individual was allowed to protest. The media was silenced through censorship. Information is limited. Most importantly, the people were brainwashed by the government to believe that the state is above all else. Worship and saluting of the state and its symbols was a requirement.
We see this now in our nation with the administration pushing such agenda. Only certain forms of protests that worships the racist heritage of the state are allowed. Where the political opposition is ridiculed and not respected. The media is actively under attack for not agreeing with the administration. And people are morally required to stand for the flag of the United States. It’s quite disturbing how we are embracing the morals of the very countries that threaten our very freedom and our way of life during the 1930s and 40s.
The beauty of the American culture is that it is set up to allow protest in a peaceful manner. From the taxation protests of the Crown, the Civil Rights Movement to The recent Kneeling of NFL players during national anthems. Peaceful protest has been the way forward. The guiding principal founding fathers put to build “A More Perfect Union” It is set forth in our bill of rights as our first amendment.


Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”


The first amendment is in a list of ideals our country set forth to achieve in our constitution. It is broad for a reason. So long as we don’t endanger the safety and security of others we may protest in any way we see fit.
Our founding fathers realized that our allegiance to a man or political party is a dangerous path.Today we see examples of this in dictatorships around the world where freedom is non-existent. That is why our armed forces defend the constitution instead and the principals set forth in it instead.
Free speech also gives the administration the right to have an opinion. For an administration oppress whoever speaks out against them, however, is to become the very thing that our country fought against when our nation was under threat during the revolution and the second world war.  To voice the opinion that anyone should be morally oppressed for simply kneeling is to show gross incompetence.
In my opinion, the right wing of America needs to take a knee and have a good long look in the mirror. To get this far where denying peaceful protest is the norm is to take the constitution and rip it up metaphorically. Pride for a nation can be healthy. However, it is our duty to stand up for all of American values including that “All men are created equal”. To stand up takes sometimes it takes a statement of science and keeling. The “this doesn’t pertain to me” attitude needs to stop now because it affects all of us.  Let me be clear here, by creating a further divide in our nation, America will turn on itself and quickly become non-existent.
P.S. Those who now have joined the Dallas Cowboys bandwagon have entered into a hell hole of mediocre football. You may support the strongest team in your division but your offense is like Jekel and Hyde and your defense is pedestrian at best. Can’t wait for the playoff choke.

The Rest of The Story

Emmy here.

I didn’t quite tell you the whole story on my last post.

My parents were quite curious about the gender of their child during my pregnancy. The OB/GYN told them to expect a baby boy. The life of being a jock, strong silent type, and a big shot is what my family had planned out for me. While I like things that are stereotypically male like sports, mechanical engineering, and eating like a total animal. Oddly enough I like and do all of these things.

Life never quite worked out being a boy for me. I looked more to the women in my family. When I stood face to face to them, it was like looking in the mirror. Even on TV with female pop stars like The Spice Girls, Britney Spears, and Madonna, I was still looking in the mirror. Every opportunity, I would go shopping with the women in my life. I would gaze in envy at the clothes and makeup in store. Mom even saw the look in my face at a young age and asked if she could buy me makeup on multiple occasions. Every time, I said no everytime out of fear of being seen as a weak effeminate boy. Since then I had to ask the question “Am I just an effeminate boy or a girl?”

Fast forward a few years to when I was 8. I saw this beautiful pair of heels that my mom owned. She saw the look in my face and said to try them on. I did and for some reason, I immediately knew how to walk in them like I have been walking in heels for years. It felt right. I tried on one of her dresses next. Everything felt in place. Mom told me not to do this in front of the rest of the family or dad. I could tell at the time she was a bit scared of what everyone would think of her for letting me do this. I was still scared of what people would think of me personally.

High school came. Once a year “gender bender day” was celebrated for whatever reason. It was a day the girls can pull out their fake mustaches and boys can crossdress without being laughed at. The girls at the school did my makeup and outfit. Looking in the mirror was a moment for me. I strutted my style around the school. I had all the confidence in the world too. When mom picked me up that day, I was very happy.

College came and I started to realize the world is getting more tolerant and accepting. I was still so far back in the closet back then. The world showed me that it was more and more okay to be yourself. I felt like a girl. I told my closest friends about how I felt and identified. They were immediately accepting. I went out and gained the confidence to buy my own makeup and clothes. I practiced and practiced my basic look until I had the confidence to go out on the town. I went out with friends for my first few adventures. Eventually, I went on my own as the confident girl that I am alone. I even took a trip across the country to Michigan and showed off who I was inside to the world. Since then, I have come to the realization that I was a girl the whole time and that I just needed to admit it. It was at that point I told everyone else in my life.

To this day, I’m trying to figure out who I am. Each day I take a small step in self-discovery whether it be through fashion, a new makeup look, talking to friends, learning something new, or enjoying hobbies. Every discovery builds upon the last and makes me a better version of myself. There’s a lot that I have yet to discover about myself. I look forward to what each discovery has in store for me. However, in a world of being uncertain of who I am, there is one thing certain in this world. I am a strong, confident, self-reliant and smart woman. People can try to take away those qualities from me, but I won’t let them.

Now you know the rest of the story.

Hi, My name is Emmy.

It’s totally rude not to introduce and not tell someone about yourself when arriving at an event or function. So, without further delay let me tell you about myself.

The beginning is probably the best place to start. I was born on May 23, 1996, in Evanston, Illinois.  For the first 4 years of my life, I called the northern suburbs of Chicago my home. In those early years, I gained an appreciation for great pizza and a love for the green landscape of suburbia. That all changed in August of 2000 when my family and I moved here to Las Vegas in search for a better life. Both my parents got a better paying job. My world was suddenly traded for the pale and lifeless desert and shitty corporate chain food. To this day the weather gets to me and with a few exceptions, the local cuisine bores me to death.

One thing that did change me and made me who I am today was my first flight to Las Vegas. Up until then, I was terrified of aircraft. I did everything I could to not get on the plane sitting at O’Hare. However, I was impressed by my first few minutes of flying. I was fascinated by how something so big can fly. I was in love. I told my mom that I wanted to be a pilot when I grow up. I even signed up for a lottery to be selected into a high school program with the aim of having all selected graduate with their Pilot Certification. I got in and out of everyone accepted only 4 successfully completed the program. I worked hard enough to be one of the lucky few. To this day I stop for any talk about aviation and always look up to the sky. My love for aviation knows no bounds.

During high school, I discovered a game called Ingress. Ingress has sparked my curiosity and love for adventure. I have been to 13 states across the country and have made many great friends because of Ingress. Every adventure has given me countless experiences. If I were to write them now I would make this post way too long. Those stories will have their own posts.

Currently, college is taking up my time and effort. My primary focus of study is education. I got into education because it called out to me. Volunteering with local educational institutions has made me realize that I like to help people. Words can’t describe how much joy you can get from influencing a person’s life for the better. Go try it for yourself.

I’ll be here writing about everything. From my own life experience of being a studette to the occasional impassioned pizza review. I will be open and won’t hold back. I’m excited about this roller coaster ride of self-discovery. I hope you have your seatbelt fastened because it’s going to be a wild ride. I’m excited to share everything with you.